It’s easy to feel guilty for considering adoption for your unplanned pregnancy while you are already parenting other children. In reality, most women who do consider adoption are already raising a child or children. Many expectant mothers don’t have enough time or financial resources to add another child to their family.
If you’re already a parent and are considering adoption for your unplanned pregnancy, you might be wondering how to explain putting a baby up for adoption to your older kids.
You’re not the first expectant mother facing an unplanned pregnancy to have this concern. Learning how to tell your kids you’re putting a baby up for adoption can be difficult, but there are ways to do so. Your adoption professional can help walk you through the process of how to approach the topic with your children.
We have compiled five helpful tips on how to explain putting a baby up for adoption to your older kids below. If you need additional support, you contact an adoption professional today to get the advice you need.
Choosing Adoption When You Already Have Children
If you’re dealing with an unplanned second or third unplanned pregnancy, adoption is always there for you. Many prospective birth mothers consider adoption after already having children for a variety of reasons:
- You’re already devoting your time to caring for your child or children
- You are focusing on your career
- Adding a child to your family would stretch your financial resources too thin
- You don’t want to parent
- You feel your family is already complete
If you’re already caring for a child, you might feel like you’re giving up by choosing adoption for your unplanned pregnancy. Even if you’re already a parent of a child or children, choosing adoption for your second or third unplanned pregnancy is a brave and selfless choice.
You might be worried by the thought of “I don’t know how to tell my kids I’m putting a baby up for adoption. You might know that you don’t have the time or financial resources to devote to another child in addition to your existing child or children. You’re putting your unborn baby’s needs and the needs of your family first.
Through adoption, you’re able to give your child a life full of opportunities with a loving adoptive family, and giving them a child, they’ve been waiting for.
“Even when Trinity was in my belly, I promised her, ‘I’m going to give you the absolute best life that you deserve,’” Lindsey says about choosing adoption for her baby while parenting another. “When I got pregnant with Charlotte, I promised her the exact same thing. Giving both of them the best life meant placing Charlotte for adoption and continuing to take care of Trinity and the health issues that she has.”
How to Tell My Kids I’m Putting a Baby Up for Adoption
A common concern among prospective birth mothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy is explaining your adoption decision to the child or children, you’re already raising.
If you’re wondering how to explain putting a baby up for adoption to your older kids, we have you covered.
If your kids are younger, they might not fully grasp the concept of adoption. But that’s ok. At the end of the day, your children just want to see you happy. By having an open and honest conversation about adoption and why it’s a good thing, your children will trust your decision.
If you’re at a loss for how to talk to your older children about adoption for your unplanned pregnancy, here are some tips:
1. Be Transparent
When it comes to how to explain putting a baby up for adoption to your older kids, it’s important that you’re open and honest about what’s happening. You should try to introduce the idea of adoption to them early on so that they don’t feel blindsided.
Make them aware of your pregnancy, in a way that they can understand. Mention adoption and how it can help other moms and dads have kids of their own while making sure the baby is happy and healthy.
2. Talk About Your Feelings
As an expectant mother, you’re likely feeling a lot of emotions about your unplanned pregnancy and adoption. Even if you know it’s what’s best for you, the baby and your family. You might feel compelled to hide these emotions from your children because you don’t want to worry or confuse them.
Instead, you should speak openly about what you’re feeling. Let them know that you’re feeling mixed emotions about the adoption. This shows them that it’s okay for them to feel a lot of different emotions at once too. Help them understand that even though adoption is a good thing, you are still feeling difficult emotions.
3. Use Age-appropriate, Positive Adoption Language
If you’re wondering “How to tell my kids I’m putting a baby up for adoption” especially if they’re young children, try not to overload them with information. Try to explain that their sibling will not be living with them. Let them know that it was a hard choice to make but that the baby will be living with a mom and dad who love them very much and were not able to have a baby of their own.
4. Let Them Process Their Feelings
Your children will likely be impacted by the adoption in one way or another. Let them know that you are there for them and they can talk about their feelings at any time. Give them time to process the information and what they’re feeling. Give them the space to talk about their emotions when they’re ready.
Let them know that you understand their emotions. Reassure them that you love them and you love their sibling that you are placing for adoption. Tell them that you will continue caring for them while their sibling is cared for by another family who also loves them. Make sure they know that the baby will always be your child and their sibling.
5. Involve Them In The Process
Once you’ve introduced your adoption plan to your children, you can begin involving them in your adoption in small ways. You can do this by allowing them to go through adoptive family profiles together, and even allowing them to get to know the adoptive family if you feel comfortable doing so.