Emotions of Adoption

Is It Wrong to “Give Your Child Up” for Adoption?


4 Myths of Why ‘Giving a Child Up’ for Adoption is Bad

Placing a child for adoption may be the perfect solution for your unplanned pregnancy. But you probably have many questions about what adoption means for you — and how you’ll be perceived for choosing this path:

  • Is it wrong to “give your child up” for adoption?
  • Does placing my child for adoption make me a bad parent?
  • Is it bad to “give your baby up” for adoption?
  • Is it selfish to “give my baby up” for adoption?

The short answer? No. Placing a child is one of the bravest, most selfless choices a person can make.

The long answer? Keep reading.

But, before we get much further, there’s one thing you really need to know. You’ll often see the phrase “giving up for adoption” in your research. But it’s contradictory to what adoption really is. When you place your child, you aren’t “giving away” or “giving up on” your baby. You’re doing the exact opposite — planning for their future.

When you see this phrase, keep this in mind. While it’s commonly used, it’s not a true representation of what adoption truly is like.

Myths About Placing a Child for Adoption

Now that that’s settled, let’s dive in.

You’ve come to this article wondering if giving your baby up for adoption is wrong. To understand why the answer is “no,” you’ll first need to understand what adoption is really like — and why certain myths just don’t stand up to the truth.

Myth: Putting your child up for adoption is wrong.

Truth: Choosing adoption is a legal and ethical choice for an unplanned pregnancy.

Everyone has their opinion on adoption. Some people see it as the perfect solution to an unplanned pregnancy, while others criticize it as an outdated, unethical system.

Like most things in life, the reality is somewhere in the middle. What you need to be concerned with is your legal right to place your child — regardless of others’ opinions.

Just as you have the right to parent, you always have the right to place your child for adoption. States have different rules about when exactly you can do this (that’s where your adoption agency or attorney comes in). You also keep the right to change your mind before signing your consent papers. If you decide putting a baby up for adoption is a bad idea, you are never obligated to move forward.

The ultimate decision is always up to you. There’s nothing “bad” about giving a child up for adoption if you’ve seriously thought through your options and chosen this path.

Myth: Putting your baby up for adoption is bad for them.

Truth: Adoption could give your child the life they deserve.

As a parent, you only want what’s best for your child. But you may be unable to provide that at this point in your life.

Adoption could give them the opportunities and advantages they deserve.

For many birth parents, adoption provides the opportunity to plan their child’s future. When you choose adoption, you also get to choose:

That last point is important. When people say it is wrong to put your baby up for adoption, they imagine an adoption in which a child knows nothing about their history and suffers trauma from a closed adoption relationship.

But, thanks to the popularity of open adoption, adopted children today grow up knowing why they were adopted and how much their birth parents love them. When you choose a post-placement relationship, you can tell your child those things in person.

Many adoptees are grateful for the love and sacrifice their birth parents made. If you choose this path, you can ensure the same for your child.

Myth: It is selfish to give your baby up for adoption.

Truth: Adoption puts your baby’s best interests first.

People who make claims that it is selfish to “give your baby up” for adoption have obviously never been in your shoes. Before you can place a child for adoption, you must make a personal sacrifice — grieving your dreams of becoming your child’s parent to do what’s best for them.

It is truly selfless to “give a child up” for adoption. An expectant mother must recognize what she can’t give her child. She must believe an adoptive family can provide those things. With adoption, she puts her baby’s health and well-being above her own desires, even when it’s hard.

Myth: ‘Giving your child up’ for adoption is cowardly and the ‘easy way out.’

Truth: Adoption is the hardest thing an expectant parent can do.

Adoption is not an easy journey. It requires a lot of soul-searching and research. A prospective birth parent doesn’t “just” decide to place their child for adoption; they answer tough questions to create the perfect plan for them and their unborn baby.

Placing a child for adoption isn’t as easy as signing a piece of paper. The women who choose this path don’t do so lightly. They often spend months thinking about their options, only deciding on adoption when they are 100% ready. Adoption agencies offer counseling throughout this process, educating a woman about those unplanned pregnancy options and asking the challenging questions she needs to hear.

A prospective birth mother goes into adoption knowing the grief and loss she will feel. Yet she chooses this path anyway — to do what is right for her baby.

If you’re considering adoption, you are a brave and strong person. Adoption may be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it could also be the best. As long as you go into the process doing your research and preparing yourself, it is never wrong to put your baby up for adoption.


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