Finding Adoptive Parents

Can You Change Adoptive Couples?

One of the most important decisions a prospective birth mother can make during the adoption process is choosing the best adoptive family for her child. This decision will ultimately shape the adoption experience and your child’s life. By choosing adoption, you have already set the precedent that your child’s needs come first, as you have made your choice out of love and compassion for your baby.

Although you will be given the tools and are in complete control of your decision of the best adoptive family, many potential birth mothers share a sense of doubt, or second guessing that they have made the right decision. Whether you have already decided on an adoptive family, or are just researching the adoption process, this doubt often brings up the question, “Can I change adoptive families?”

The simple answer, in most situations, is yes, you can change adoptive couples, but it is more complex than that. Given the impact this change can have on everyone involved, there are other factors to consider. This guide will inform you on what you need to know if you are researching how to change adoptive families, or if you have questions about this aspect of the adoption process.

You can always contact an adoption professional with any questions you may have, but until then, continue to reading to learn more.

Changing Adoptive Families

When you choose adoption for your baby, you are making a selfless, brave decision, one that will change both of your lives. You are in complete control of your adoption. You will work with an adoption professional to create an adoption plan, which will go over every detail of how you would prefer your adoption to play out. This includes choosing the adoptive family for your baby. Through adoptive family profiles, you will determine which families meet the predetermined characteristics of who you hope to place your baby with.

Through emails, text, video calls and in-person meetings, you will begin to get a better feel for adoptive family candidates. Once you feel comfortable with a family you feel the most connected to, you will then choose them as your adoptive family.

But what happens if things change and that initial connection wears off? Can you change adoptive couples?

Changing adoptive couples is a major decision that not only impacts you, but also the adoptive family. Although you want what is best for your baby, the decision to change families should not be done on a whim. We strongly suggest you speak with your adoption professional to discuss any concerns or feelings you have centered around your thoughts of changing adoptive families. If any other options or resolutions are possible, it is always good to explore those first, and only change adoptive families if you see no other choice.

Some of the most common reasons you may consider changing adoptive families include:

Requirements not being met

The adoption process is a tedious process which requires screening, background checks, home studies and more. If an adoptive family does not check all of the boxes that you initially thought they did, this is a justified reason to find a different family.

Change in adoption goals

When you decide adoption is best for your baby, you will work with your adoption specialist to detail how you envision your adoption playing out. This includes the type of family you hope to place your baby with, as well as the type adoption (open or closed) you wish to have. If the adoptive family you choose agrees and matches these goals, but then suddenly changes their mind, this is a red flag, and a valid reason for wanting to change adoptive families.

Preplacement communication issues

If you are getting a weird vibe, or things just seem off in your pre-placement contact, you may want to reconsider the adoptive family you are choosing. Keep in mind, this is a two-way street, so it is important to evaluate your behavior as well. Not all birth mother-adoptive family relationships will result in an instant connection, but if standard communication is a struggle or you have a strange feeling, you may come to the point where you realize that you want to change adoptive parents because of these issues.

Considering parenting instead

Adoption is a brave and selfless choice, but so is parenting.  You want what is best for your child, but you may not know exactly what that is. It is your decision, and nobody should sway you one way or the other. If you are having second thoughts about adoption, talk to your professional so they can help you work toward determining what is best for you and your baby.

Ultimately, you are in control of your adoption. Throughout the adoption process, you have the ability to change families at any time. Your adoption specialist will help guide you and explain the potential impact changing could make. They will also explain to you that your ability to change adoptive couples ends after placement, when you have signed your adoption paperwork and voluntarily terminated your parental rights.

How do You Change Adoptive Couples?

How to change adoptive families will depend on the adoption agency you are working with. Your adoption professional will be involved throughout every step of your adoption process. It is best to bring your concerns to them, so they can discuss the next steps. Most likely, they will try to work through the issues.

They may assess the situation and provide advice or guidance toward a resolution. They may even get directly involved to get a better understanding of the situation. If none of this helps, then you and your adoption specialist will inform the adoptive family and your professional will help you move onto choosing new adoptive parents.

This will essentially be a restart of the same steps you initially completed to find an adoptive family. You will review adoptive family profiles, get to know potential candidates and decide on a new adoptive family for your child. There should be no negative repercussions or issues moving forward with finding a new family.

The process itself of choosing a new adoptive family is fairly easy, but the decision to do so adds difficulty. We cannot stress enough just how important not only choosing the right family is toward your adoption, but also making sure changing the adoptive family is for the best.

It is impossible to predict the future and to know that you are without a doubt choosing the best family for your adoption. With the right agency by your side, you will have the tools in place to feel confident and comfortable with the decision you make.

Speak with an adoption professional so they can detail exactly how their agency handles how to change adoptive families, and to discuss any concerns you may have about choosing a family to place your baby with. With such an important decision, you want to make sure you put the best effort into finding the right family.

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